Have you ever been mugged?
Sydney Morning Herald
Saturday February 20, 2010
There's just one thing you should never do, writes Sally Davies. There are many unspoken rules in an office: don't adjust a co-worker's gas-lift chair, don't comment on the pet rock collection scattered around your colleague's cubicle and don't eat others' diet yoghurt in the communal fridge. The list continues but, of all the rules, there is one you must never breach: Do Not Touch Someone Else's Coffee Mug!It doesn't matter how desperate you are for a caffeine fix, you're better off emptying your pen holder and making your cuppa in that rather than face the ire of the workmate whose coffee cup you've pinched.Many office workers pride themselves on their generous spirit and willingness to help a colleague in need. Want to borrow a pen? No worries. In fact, keep it. Need my stapler? Help yourself. I can grab it back later. Naming rights for my firstborn? Certainly. Pick any name you want. Want my coffee mug? Hands off! Back away slowly and nobody will get hurt.Successfully negotiating the kitchenette on your first day at a new job is akin to surviving trench warfare. It may just look like a china receptacle for caffeinated beverages but in actual fact it can break office relationships faster than a drunken remark at the Christmas party. Interfere with someone else's mug and risk the instant wrath of a workmate and permanent labelling as a kleptomaniac.Your coffee mug can say a lot about you. It's a way of subtly expressing yourself in the workplace. It means you don't have to turn up in a rugby jumper to show your team allegiance, or wear an Elvis jumpsuit to indicate your musical preferences.A violation of this personal space can have dire consequences.Mug theft has occurred to most of us at some time or another and to you I impart my deepest condolences. You know that heinous, sinking feeling of walking into the kitchenette and realising that your mug has disappeared. It's comparable to having your car stolen or garden gnome pinched.Then you have to locate the perpetrator. Precious time you could have spent supping your beverage is wasted on trying to locate the whereabouts of your stolen mug. The stress is extreme.To those of you lucky enough to have avoided the emancipation of your coffee mug by a colleague, I am sure you have still witnessed this fate befall someone else. They are easy enough to spot. They're the ones with the crazed, caffeine-deprived expression etched on their faces: the furrowed brow, the twitch of their left eye, the clenched jaw. They're usually stampeding around the office and turning the place upside down to locate the culprit and liberate their mug. And woe betide if they find them. It will be the last time the thief makes that mistake.After all, if there's anyone you shouldn't be messing with, it's someone who is in desperate need of a coffee.So, potential thieves out there, you have been warned. If you're craving a coffee and don't have a mug, it is time to befriend the local cafe owner. In my own home I may well offer you my Great-aunt Melba's Royal Doulton cup and saucer but in the workplace, that 50-cent mug is MINE!Is there an aspect of office life that makes you laugh, cry or simply drives you crazy? Readers are invited to submit 550-word articles for publication in The Office to theoffice@fairfax.com.au
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